How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
