There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
