I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
