based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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