That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
