New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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