Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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