Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk is not a location!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
