i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
