my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
