you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
