He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
