i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
