By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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