he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
