I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
