hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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