a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
