ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
