you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
