im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
