I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
