i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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