I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
