i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
