Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
