I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
