I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
