DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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