you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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