you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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