thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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