They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
