I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
