she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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