so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
