Im at strip club and am horny
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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