Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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