I'm eating all of the evidence.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
