I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
