I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
