we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
