I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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