According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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