I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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