"it" just moved
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
