Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
