Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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