dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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