So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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