the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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